Ai
by stupique
Summary: "I love you so much, I might have to kill you." Ryoma-Fuji. One-shot.


**Ai: A Ryoma and Fuji one-shot**

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**_Hello all! First and foremost, thank you for reading this one-shot. A sudden inspiration struck me and I HAD to write this out. Hope you'll like it. _

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When I first saw him, he was at the back of the courts, picking up the furry yellow tennis balls. He had a cap on so I couldn't really see his face but his aura entranced me and forced me to stare in his direction. If I remember correctly, his shoulders were sharp and angular with strength coated over it. And that was before I came to know those shoulders too well, know about the softness they hid, know about the secrets they carried. He had a slender figure, a young seedling bursting out of its shell, all that trapped potential shocking the tennis world, a potential that was precious to Tezuka. I didn't really bother with all that, what really annoyed me was his aura. It was eerily beautiful.

The first time he looked into my eyes, I opened mine. The bottomless scared me and I suddenly remembered that Eiji mentioned my bottomless eyes once, so I wondered if they were the same. He wasn't staring at the spot above my nose, he was staring right into my sapphire orbs. Right inside. Without flinching. 'Fuji-sempai' he called. His voice had shaken me awake and closed my eyelids shut. I think I smiled at him then. The same smile I would offer against his aloofness and his kindness.

It was already nearing the end of the year when I finally got to know him better. Rather than referring to him as Momo's best friend, Eiji's teddy bear, Seigaku's shining star or Tezuka's hope, I wanted a special name for him, for myself to hear only. My obsession with him made me afraid. It was like some kind of drug, shaking me, playing with me, teasing me and finally slowly killing me. It was mid-year when I first acknowledged my obsession.

Eiji had asked, 'Don't you think you stare at Ochibi way too much?'  
'I do?' I answered, feeling surprised.  
'Fuji-kun, do you like Ochibi?'  
'Maybe.'

It wasn't love or anything of that sort. At least I think it wasn't. Neither was it sexual hunger. I knew people who loved the way his petite body curved, the cute pout on his lips and twinkle in his eyes but I didn't fantasize about all that. Even though it was not until much later I knew all those way too well, his anatomy becoming too close for comfort.

It was at the National Finals party. We were celebrating our championship. I was happy, I really was. Ryuzaki-sensei decided to head home early and let us have the full rein over the party. Tezuka had called Ryoma out while everybody was chatting away happily and slurping up sushi. I don't know if I should've seen it but I saw the hug Tezuka gave and the smile Ryoma returned. It was painfully stinging my heart.

People got drunk that night, drunk in Seigaku's success and their happiness. Ryoma was put into my responsibility as his parents were overseas and his house was in my direction. I carried the drunk Ryoma on my back all the way to his house and dumped him on the bed.

Then it all started.

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I felt myself on his back. The tired footsteps slowly walking to my house, one after the other, one after the other. I wished it didn't stop. The weight comforted me, knowing I was against his back, the one I could never catch up with. Then I felt him dump me on the bed. Without thinking, I called out his name.

"Syusuke!'

Through the blurred image projected into my eyes, I could tell he was shocked. I could hear the clock ticking away playfully, the soft rustle of the leaves and the heavy thumping of my heart. There was a moment of awkward silence and I attempted to break it by sitting up, shuffling the sweaty sheets under me.

"What did you call me?" he asked, hesitation laced in his voice.

My mind wasn't thinking, it was on auto-pilot and words I struggled to keep inside me for so long just spilled out, as if the world was dying and there wasn't a chance anymore. I knew what I wanted and somehow I think he knew it too – what we both needed.

"Syusuke …"

I was awake now, sitting on my bed and staring into Fuji's wide open sapphire orbs. I can't remember what happened after that but everything was in a whirl of a mess. He was on top of me, legs kicked and tangled about, clothes strewn all over the place, kisses planted everywhere, once started, couldn't be stopped. It was a bottled up craving, an automatic reaction.

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The next day I woke up, I felt him snuggled into my embrace, his greenish black hair flopped over his forehead. I could feel his raw skin rubbing against me under the flimsy blankets and I badly wanted escape yet my skin was drawn to his, our scent mixing with each other's. On a moment of impulse, I leaned forward and pecked his forehead. It was beaded with sweat from last night's activities.

"Hnn …" he moaned, shuffling to fit his head into the crook of my neck.

It tickled and I could feel his hot breath, slowly taking my senses from me. He shifted again. This time to lift his head to look into my eyes.

"Morning Syusuke." he breathed, smiling.

We continued on like this for months. The sexual attraction for each other. Both of us refused to acknowledge the truth and avoided it like some sort of pest. We would not be labeled as lovers. It was just an obsession, a drug, a fling, a game. Both of us were the best players, deserving of Oscar awards. We were friends off court, teammates on court, sempai-kouhai in school, acquaintances with friends, strangers on the street, soulmates in bed.

I knew very well he didn't take it seriously. How many times he hurt me while the both of us were in bed. His smirk cutting my heart, his aloofness smearing it with sin. Yet his kindness, the way he fondled with my hair, stroked my head and whispered good night, it made me want to cry. I was trapped in his game, a victim of my own obsession.

I saw the way Tezuka looked at him. Yes, it was initially hope at first but the look slowly transformed. It became something more. It wasn't pure any longer, it had a motive, something it wanted. I didn't like that look a single bit. I knew Ryoma definitely knew that Tezuka had something for him, and he played it, just like a true player would. Ryoma acknowledged it. It was over at the courts one day when everybody was packing up to go. They were hidden, behind old Sakura trees. I was there, listening, hurtfully taking in all that shot me.

"Buchou, you like me?"  
"Is it obvious?"  
"You think?" he laughed, an easy smile spreading across his face.  
"So, what are you going to do about it Echizen?"  
"Heh. Gomen buchou, I have somebody in mind already. He's a true player too."

That night, Ryoma asked to book into a hotel and I agreed. We lay on the bed, fully dressed, not doing anything, just listening to the sound of each other breathing. The soft inhalation and exhalation. Suddenly Ryoma broke the silence, just like the very first time.

"Ne, Syusuke, one day if I find someone I truly love, we'll stop being sex friends right?" The term 'sex friends' disturbed me; its crudeness and the reality it carried made me shiver. I didn't answer. I dared not to. So I just waited, waited for silence to consume us both.

"But I don't think this day will come anytime soon. At least not in this lifetime."  
"… Is it Tezuka?"

"It's him right?"

"Hey! Answer me!"  
"Ahh~ no point being so emotional. Let's go to sleep, Syusuke."

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That night as I lay in his arms, taking in the moonlight pouring from the window, I couldn't sleep. I knew he was awake too, the both of us unable to enter the beautiful illusion of dreamland.

"Ryoma, are you sleeping?" I refused to answer him.  
"You know Ryoma, you're really a player. Maybe we should just end this."

Suddenly he grabbed me and trapped me under him. His eyes were closed and the smile I hated so much was plastered onto his face.

"After I kiss you, we're through? You got that?" he chuckled carelessly.

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I don't know why I asked for a breakup. Maybe because I was tired, tired of this endless tiebreak that never seemed to see its fullstop. And my Oscar award wasn't reaping any benefits – it was sucking my life out.

He was under me and I forced myself in onto his lips, the one I knew too well, knew of its skill and seductiveness. He let me, playing dead, laying silently without moving. I tore myself away and looked into his eyes, the golden orbs no longer twinkled, they were bottomless, just like mine. We were one entity now, clones of each other.

Suddenly he laughed. It was a short gasp, more like an evil crackle that just burst forth from his lips. His stare was tearing me down. It was looking at me and I shivered, afraid. The laugh turned into a smile, a slow sad one that inched its way up his face. I saw his hand reach out to caress my face then in a quick flash, it grabbed my neck.

"Ryoma … what are you doing?"  
"Maybe not in this lifetime, maybe in the next, sempai." He said, his eyes empty.

I felt his hand closing in on my neck, his thin fingers finding strength. His grip got tighter and tighter and I couldn't breathe. I gasped for air, struggled at him to let go. Slowly but surely, he let go.

"Let's go to sleep sempai," he murmured and snuggled into my arms. I felt something wet soak through my shirt. "I love you so much, I might have to kill you."

_-fine-_

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How is it? I hope this was good because I was quite satisfied with the way I handled the two of them. It may be a little OOC to some of you but I think it's fine :D

Do drop a review if you like it! If you don't, drop a review too but do be kind .

**THANK YOU!**


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